I will never get tired of saying that writing is one of the greatest forms of therapy. It is also the best way of keeping yourself in check in regards to personal growth and emotional development. This is probably one of the main reasons why I love to blog. In one of my recent blogs I even mention the old habit of my New Year’s Resolution exercise, which I started again this year. It is sincerely the most amazing thing you can do for yourself.
My first year of blogging was in Spanish which makes it a little bit harder for my English readers to keep track of my personal struggles and demons in regards to the professional frustrations that I’ve had in the U.S., but for you who have followed my journey you already know that I just got promoted at work. But it is in times like this when I am content that I take a ride in my bloggity blog time machine and go back to a shitty day. I want to remind myself (and anyone else) that shitty days do not last forever; besides, you can’t lose sight of your goals or your passions, you just can’t.
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“Just like my title, I have been going through days of shit, and yes, every woman goes through these days where you feel ugly, fat, and with no energy to do anything, but this tornado has overcome the normal mini-shit and is now converted into a mountain of shit. There are a lot of things that have been accumulating lately and I think that the drop of water that made the glass overflow (Chilean idiom of the straw that broke the camel’s back) was knowing that we are most likely not going to the NYC weddings that we had planned for this summer. The reason may seem superficial and you may think that I am a spoiled little brat but this was an “it rains over wet” situation for me (yet another Chilean idiom).
So what is it that is happening to me? Well, my greatest frustration in this country is my professional career. On paper, objectively speaking, I think I am a valuable asset but in reality I have not managed to expose my career the way I had imagined. I do not get promoted and I do not get the jobs I apply for. And before all the questioning you have about how I am resolving the problem and what my plans of action are, when you are mentally taking a beating with a no after a no, you start to question yourself and it gets so much harder to take action.
Leaving all that aside let’s go on to the second problem that had my emotions going crazy last week. From the beginning of this year I had a summer trip planned. I was going to Sweden to see family and from there I was going to Paris and visit a very good friend of mine who recently got engaged. But all these travel arrangements are no longer possible due to financial reasons mainly, but also a few things that are out of my control. This horrible news means that I would not be able to see my family that I haven’t seen in a year (for some family members longer than that) but also, these vacations would have meant the world to me (literally) in order to recharge my batteries. Just to top it off, the traveling plans we had with my boyfriend to NYC for a few weddings are also cancelled just because my boyfriend decided to throw a drink at the groom at his bachelor party in Miami… In other words, my initial professional frustration stresses me out twice because I will have to stay in a day in/day out work routine that doesn’t challenge me a bit. It means that during this summer I will have to work on getting a new job while I am clearly not in a good state of mind. It’s quite obscure where I’m at right now.
So here I am, barefoot on top of a mountain of shit with a shovel. Dig by dig I am trying to excavate until I can finally see flowers […]” A translated extract from “Dias de Mierda,” posted on May 15th, 2013.